Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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