so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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