Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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