I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
