yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
