But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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