the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I need a beard to bite.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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