i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
