Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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