Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
They took my balls.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
