see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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