Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
