ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
