Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
false alarm, still single
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
