Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
