Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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