He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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