I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
