I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
