You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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