So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
