Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
