I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
