He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
