Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
