wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
