brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
