so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
