Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
