i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
