so that wasnt chicken after all
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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