currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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