When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
