I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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