take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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