And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
