Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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