Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
