What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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