Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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