Do you still have your period?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
