so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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