i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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