happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
