More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
