I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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