So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
