im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
