eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
