I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
