Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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